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Wonderfully described definitions.........
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CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!
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MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master
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LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either
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CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present
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COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece
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OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life
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CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on
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DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!
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TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!
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ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before
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CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read
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SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!
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YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth
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EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes
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DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip
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OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
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MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!
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FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature
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BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early
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POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later
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One Liners
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what ? Who's in a hurry ?
A girl asked, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? He said, "At the first sight of what"?
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ' Y ' becomes silent.
Brilliant Economics!!!!
It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to choose one. The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower. The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit. The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.....
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States is doing
business today.....
How many wives can a Christian marry?........
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin
asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly: "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said: "All you have to do is add it up, like the bishop said:
> 4 better,
> 4 worse,
> 4 richer,
> 4 poorer.
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HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIES OF INDIA
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right. You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on. That's "Amchi Mumbai"...busy place dude...
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.. The first two get together & beat him up. That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall. That's Ahmedabad .
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. He writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program. That's Bangalore .
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A Guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't Like all this nonsense. Peace comes in. That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on their mobiles Now 50 guys are fighting. You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB !!!
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as friends. You are in Goa .
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes and resolve their fight with the help of others passing over their.
You are in the Heart of India ( M.P).
Scenario 10
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house. And says" aamchya
gharasamor bhandu naka, dusarikade jaun bhanda ( dont fight in front of my place, go somewhere else and keep fighting)". That's Pune for sure!!!
This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...
1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
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